Grammy Fashion BOMBS

What exactly is the dress code for the Grammys? We have full length gowns on some, semi-nudity on others, and jeans and t-shirts on some. It does lend itself to more fashion risks, but some have gone right on over the edge! Last night’s Grammy awards had some real fashion flops. I decided to pick out some of the offenders, re-style them in high-end fashion, and find a budget alternative to my re-style.

Let’s start with Rebecca Black.

Love her or hate her, she’s ridden her song and her grudge all the way to the Grammys. But she decided to show up as a goth cupcake, with shoes that match the red carpet.

Rebecca Black Grammy

Alice Olivia tiered dress, $645
Miss Me embellished dress, $44
Badgley Mischka blue pumps, $210

I think the tiers could be taken down a bit. I would put her in a young, fresh, Alice + Olivia dress in blue, with a lighter blue shoe that would pop on the red carpet. Less cupcake, more fashionable.

Next up, Bonnie Raitt. That lady is the opposite of Rebecca Black–she’s been to a few Grammy awards in her time, and she has a ton of talent. But Contempo Casual called, and they want their pants set back.

Bonnie Raitt Grammy

Fitted sheath dress, $40
L Agence bodycon dress, $495
Haider Ackermann coat, €3.150

Sure, she’s of an age where it’s probably better to get a little more coverage, but how about taking the gathered copper shirt and trading it out for a metallic sheath? A jacket with copper accents would be perfectly age-appropriate, too.

Speaking of age-appropriate, good mercy, Sheila E.! How can you go out in your shorts? They are so not appropriate for a woman in her 50’s. This is not living The Glamorous Life, lady!

Sheila E.

Alexander McQueen belted dress, $4,970
Dorothy Perkins belted dress, $35

Let’s ditch the whole “tux jacket and shorts” thing (played out!) entirely. And the color white. Sure, you got a pair of great pins, but play up your gracefulness instead. Yellow would be a great color for her, and a chiffon dress is stylish, but again, age and body-appropriate.

How about Fergie? She decided to use a doily tablecloth with puffed sleeves! Sounds so gracious and old-fashioned, only she forgot to put anything under it. But hey, she remembered her Grammy panties! Nope, sorry–those are her GRANNY panties.

Fergie Grammy

Color block dress, $22
Roksanda Ilincic block dress, $1,538

I love the orange. I wanted to use that as a starting place. Maybe the dress is a little conservative for Fergie, but it’s so beautifully draped, and the color next to the face is so stunning. She could style it up and make it fantastic. It definitely would be a step up from what she actually wore.

Snooki, international reality “star” and Jersey Girl, showed up in a skin-tight dress that made her boobs look wonky. Sorry. I think I’ve seen her in every iteration of this long-sleeved cheap jersey dress.

Snooki Grammy

Hervé Léger rayon dress, £538
RHYTHM bright colored dress, $43
Hervé Léger rayon dress, £538

If you’re going skintight, then go to the master of skintight–Herve Leger. The stripes here are fantastic, and the pattern makes the body look like a classic hourglass. But for goodness sake, choose the right size, rather than 2 sizes too small!

Choreographer LaurieAnn Gibson was obviously going for a badass look. Leather, leather, leather, black and red, spikes, and an a-ti-tude. First of all, it reads a little too “pleather”, and a lot too “Matrix”.

LaurieAnn Gibson Grammy

Chloé cap sleeve dress, £620
Dorothy Perkins creme dress, $29
Sam Edelman high heel shoes, $243
Studded shoes, $46

I’m not opposed to some leather. But make it in an unusual shape. Juxtapose hard and soft: a full skirt and light color in leather, a feminine shoe with spikes.

The train wreck of all train wrecks–sorry, my dear, you’re very talented–was Robyn. This pop singer showed up in a white dress, with a short dress, with a train, with a Hanes t-shirt neck, with the ugliest shoes ever. It was hideous. She looked washed out and weird.

Robyn Grammy

River Island one shoulder dress, $39
Halston long ball gown, £626

I didn’t even know where to start here. I took the idea of asymmetry, but that was pretty much it. A Halston dress with asymmetric sleeves in a beautiful color seemed like a major upgrade, both for her skin and her body. (Just a note about the budget version–it is see-through. Please don’t wear it as such. Be an old-fashioned lady, and put a slip on under it.)

Other observations about Grammy Style:

* Anne V, Adam Levine’s girlfriend, had a slit in her dress so high and deep that I’m pretty sure I know what the “V” stands for.
*Whiz Khalifa needs some concealer for those undereye circles.
*Love Swizz Beatz purple jacket. Not so much his purple tie.
*I love that Diana Krall and Elvis Costello are still married. They both need a little fizz in their fashion, though.
*CoCo (as in Ice Loves CoCo) needs to learn what all big-bosomed ladies need to learn: a bra-style top will never fit right.
*Sasha Gradiva, were you not loved enough as a child? Is that the reason for the attention-seeking?
*Confession: I loved Katy Perry’s whole look. Even though it was a little “Marge Simpson”.
*Kings of Leon are pretty.
*Yvette Nicole Brown, I see you holding your dress away from your body so it doesn’t cling to the wrong spots. I’m guilty of doing that myself. But how about just wearing a different dress, girl?
*I think it’s kind of hilarious that Deadmau5 wore a tee-shirt with Skrillex’s real phone number on it. Even though I don’t really know who either of those two people are, and I had to look up that information.
*Nicki Minaj needs to go to confession just for wearing that outfit. But her new boyfriend seems nice.

Check out some Grammy fashion on People.com.
Grammy fashion loves and hates, anyone?

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3 thoughts on “Grammy Fashion BOMBS

  1. You mentioned Contempo Casuals. This is why I love you so very much.

    Excellent post. When I’m rich & famous you’re quitting that real life job bitch & being my stylist. Deal? Deal.

  2. Bunch of HOT MESSES! They should’ve hired you to style them. Your choices were FAR better. Amber V’s dress was gathered at the crotch. What the what?? I had mixed emotions on Rhianna’s dress. Custom Versace though? Dayum.

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