Fug Me Friday: Z-Coil Shoes

Sometimes life is not fair. I’ve been single for a while. I’m still searching for my “soul mate”. I make an effort. So why, God, WHY is my former colleague and fellow single gal getting married for the third time when she swears by Z-Coil shoes?!?

When she came to work with these monstrosities on her feet, I was so ashamed. We had been WORKING through things. She was coming out of a bad marriage, and I was introducing her to things like makeup, hair color to cover the grey, and shirts without stains on them. She had even bought a couple of pairs of sassy chunky heels to wear to work. And then she brought the Z-Coils out. But they’re so COMFORTABLE, she argued. I believe I may have turned up my nose at her at this point. I have nothing against comfort. I wear flats to work because I’m on my feet in the classroom much of the day. I have a pair of purple Sofft Mary Jane heels that I love to wear. But I cannot abide by the Z-Coils.

The point of the shoe, it seems, is to showcase this awful, industrial spring at the heel. Most of the shoes look like an amalgamation between shock absorbers and orthopedic shoes. Perhaps they are meant to be like a futuristic robot-type construct in a Tim Burton world. Some of the styles are meant to be more “modern”. Their tagline is “Fashion Never Felt So Good”. I would have to strongly disagree with the word “fashion”.

I get it, Helena Bonham Carter, you're quirky, but PLEASE go back to Fluevogs!

I refuse to believe that any man finds these super-sexy. That he whispers into his woman’s ear “go put those hawt spring shoes on”. That he watches her sway as she walks away and thanks the good lord for those Z-Coils. I can’t imagine that those shoes helped my friend get her next husband.

Instead, I think it’s because she’s a whore.

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